Do you feel trapped in the life that you thought you would love?
And probably guilty and ashamed for feeling that way?
Because there are people out there praying for the life you’ve got right?
And on paper it all looks great.
But your happy took a hike forever ago.
And faking that things are ok hurts like hell.

You’ve got what you wanted – so why doesn’t it feel as good as you thought it would?

When you grow and evolve as an individual, you can find that there are times and situations where you no longer feel an easy fit with the people or life that surrounds you.
This is uncomfortable and unsettling, and can bring up feelings of guilt and fear.
We don’t want to listen to the niggle, because it could unpick our life at its seams.
We may have already witnessed that with friends or colleagues, the chaos and trauma that it brings when someone stand in their truth.

When someone is brave enough to stand up and say that something isn’t working, or that they are unhappy. We may even have judged that person, and we may have thought that they were being irresponsible or having some mid life thing, when they finally had the courage to voice their feelings.
We convince ourselves that life is safer in the comfort zone, we ignore the niggles and get the hell on with it.

Until.
Until the day comes when the niggle won’t go away.
It’s grown into an undercurrent and although no one else can see it, it’s becoming a struggle for you to keep swimming in your life.
You love the people around you and you don’t want to hurt them, so you choose instead to hurt yourself.

But this starts to change who you are.
The energy that you are having to expend on keeping your emotions supressed, means that you cannot show up in your life as the version of you that people around you know and love.
This may manifest as being short tempered with your children, a lack of communication and going through the motions in your relationship or poor self-care.

(Side note – when you are depleted in energy in this way, it’s usually the people that we are closest too that get the version of us that is irritable, sarcastic, disconnected and nothing like our best self.
I have observed that we seem to be able to keep it together at work, at the school gate and with others generally but that we can unintentionally become quite toxic to the people that we love the most. This is ironic because we are oftentimes not able to be honest about the changes that we need because we are trying to “protect” them, but in not addressing these issues we end up instead harming them and us.)

You might find that your behaviour changes to help numb the feelings that you want to keep below the surface, and you avoid being present.
A glass of wine with dinner turns into two or more.
Mindless television replaces conversation.

The silent disease of dissatisfaction starts to take root.
And you feel guilty, because your life looks good on paper and its what you asked for.
There are people outside looking in that just wouldn’t get it, you don’t really get it.
You’ve got so much to be grateful for – and you are, but you just aren’t happy.
Cynicism tells you that no one has it all.
That you need to get a grip and stop whining.
First world problems for fucks sake.

But in your heart you know different.
Your soul is nudging you towards a change.
And even though your ego is telling you that you can’t have it, and you’re quite frankly shitting yourself, you can feel that it’s coming.
Because the cost of NOT changing is too high.
That cost is you.
And it’s a price that you cannot afford to pay any longer.

The people that love you deserve to experience the best version of you.
The people that you serve need you to show up as this person, it’s why you came to earth as this unique expression of source energy in human form.
Your children chose you because of who you are growing into.
And YOU need you to be the highest expression of yourself.

I don’t know what that evolution looks like in your life.
Perhaps it’s a calling to quit your corporate job and start the healing practice that you dream of.
Maybe it’s your soul being so tired of the toxic “friend” that keeps draining you, that you finally need to set yourself (and them) free.
Perhaps it’s a time to get couples counselling for a relationship that is stagnant or struggling.
Maybe it’s time for you to have a life audit and be honest about what YOU want, and then look at how you can make that fit.

Who do you want to be?

Who are you?

At your very core – who are YOU?

Change brings up fear, for you and for those around you.
Remember that you will have had longer to get used to this idea than them.
BUT also remember that if things are not working for you, then they are by default not a good fit for others in your life too, even if they don’t see that.
You may have be the person that digs deep and initiates the change in your life, that will inevitably ripple out into the lives around you.
Other people may resist that change, because it triggers them and pushes them into the no man’s land of uncertainty.
Be kind, be supportive and be open.
You may have no idea what the new version of life is going to look like, but you DO know that what you have now is confining your growth and no longer fits.

Being honest with yourself, and then sharing this in a loving way with a positive intention for change is the beginning of the journey.
You won’t have all of the answers straight away, change is a process.
There will be unexpected spin off benefits once you start.
Hold the intention that universe will join dots up in ways that support you and others.
Begin to take positive action in the direction of the change that you are seeking.
Ignore the dream stealers and the people who don’t get it.
That’s why this life came to you and not them.

Don’t let the undercurrent tire you out to the point that it takes you under.
You are worthy of more.
Be your own hero, be brave and look at what needs to change.
And then start taking action.
You’ve got this.

Love Kate x

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